Chara 1 2
by Koro Usagi
Summary: This is a patented(?) recipe for disaster. Combine the following ingredients in a large mixing bowl: 2 crossdressers. 4 guardian eggs. The Seiyo Academy Guardians. An army of X-eggs. The Easter Company. Mix until smooth, and serve chilled.
1. Prologue

I'm back! (Leaving yet another loose end... )

Anywho, enjoy my crappy writing skill!

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Prologue

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Nodoka was silently seething. She regretted that she'd ever agreed to this foolish "training trip", as her husband called it. Spread out on the desk before her was a thoroughly read and reread letter, which was received just hours earlier. She had just concluded a chado[Japanese tea ceremony] lesson that morning, and had found her beloved son's familiar handwriting among the various bills and useless advertisements.

Her husband hadn't thought to inform her about anything involving the "training" that he'd planned. There were the times that Ranma was traded for food, the Cat Fu training, the cartloads of fiancées, ah, and last, but DEFINITELY not least, the curses. The panda can be dealt with accordingly. (Me: I can't decide between zoo and circus, what so you think?) Then again, he's hot-cold-water-reversible. Too bad.

Then there's poor Ranma's curse. His father's "blunder" (Me: If I write it as "training," we might lose a most beloved Panda from the Nerima District Zoo.) had almost cost Ranma his life, if he was still bound to the idiotic contract that Genma whipped up 14 years prior. Thankfully, her son was more sensible than her husband and had explained the misunderstanding of him agreeing to the contract as a game of "finger-painting" that Genma let him do on the document. Did I forget to mention that this curse works differently than Genma's curse? Please forgive me, it slipped my mind.

Here goes: 1) There are no remedies. 2) It isn't hot-cold water based. And 3) The spring was a "first-come-first-serve" spring, as it had only seen it's tragedy had happened quite recently. Genma better have thought it through, because setting foot in this house again could be a fatal decision. Now then, Nodoka only had one set of seppuku[ritual suicide, common among samurai (Japanese swordsmen)] ceremonial robes to prepare now.

The clock on the wall chimed, announcing the passing if another hour. Nodoka snapped to attention and mentally scolded herself for spacing out that easily. She needed to prepare for her next group lesson, which was ikebana[Japanese flower arrangement]. (Me: I found it ridiculous that Nodoka was only listed as a "home-maker" on the wikia. How the hell do you expect her to maintain a house with running electricity, water, sewage and etc. with a useless husband like Genma the Panda?!)

It really was a lovely day though. The sakura[cherry blossom] trees were in bloom, birds sang. Nerima was thrumming with life, but a sudden chill washed over every single person, subconsciously foreseeing an unfavorable future. Most just brushed it off and carried on with their day, but a few retreated into the safety of their own homes and stayed there for the rest of that no-longer-very-lovely day.

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End Prologue

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Whew! I finished editing the stupid thing!


	2. Chapter 1: The Pigtail and the Panda

I'm planning the story out, so bear with the short chapters, sorry! I'm sorry they're so short!

Disclaimer: I don't own either anime/manga.

Warning: Nodoka might be a bit OOC... Read at your own risk.

Replies:

Koios: Sorry, I was just too lazy to use line breaks... and I didn't expect that there gonna be so many translations... =.=""

Caramel: Look, I'm a little tired of saying, "I'M SORRY!" Okay? That was just the prologue!

irnzenmonk: Thanks, aru!

These are my regulars:

"talking"

'thoughts'

[translations]

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Chapter 1

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The residents of Nerima all stared in disbelief at the strange scene unfolding before them. A young boy with a huge backpack dragging a mountain of a panda had simply appeared as the morning mist was blown away by a sudden breeze. The petite, pigtailed youth muttered darkly under his breath as he trudged onwards...

He took interest in the small, family run convenience store and came back out carrying a kettle. "Thanks Occhan [Gramps]! I'll return it as soon as I'm done!"

-A Few Hours Later-

The pigtailed boy stopped before a front gate with the nameplate of 早乙女 [Saotome]. He hesitated several times before nervously rapping on the main entrance. A few moments later, delicate footsteps could be heard resounding from within. A faint "Please wait one moment!" could heard.

The noirette started perspiring rather heavily, as the footsteps neared. He counted down silently to his impending doom...

"Welcome home, Ranma sweetie." Nodoka beamed, while hugging her child for the first time in 14 long years. "Oh, how I've missed you so..."

"Hi Mom. I'm (finally) home." Ranma breathed into Nodoka's shoulder, hugging her back.

"You look skinny, are you eating enough? Have you been eating all your vegetables? Have you gotten sick rec-"

"Mom, calm down. I ain't goin' anywhere," Ranma said, placing "his" hands on "his" mother's shoulders, a determined look in "his" eyes. "I'll always stay with you from now on!"

Nodoka looked sheepishly back at him. Then she realized: "Where's Genma?"

"... he's outside our front gate... I didn't wanna break the wall..." Ranma replied, scratching "his" head sheepishly. "But I got a kettle of hot water from the Occhan down at the convenience store... d'you wanna do the honors?" "He" asked, unhooking the kettle from where he had secured it on his pack.

"Of course." Nodoka quipped, taking the worn kettle off Ranma's hands. "Go inside, there's probably something in the kitchen that you can eat."

Ranma nodded and Nodoka strode purposefully toward the gate, her eyes glowing with murder intent. The sight that greeted her was most definitely not the most pleasant. A mound of black and no-longer-white fur was propped up against the wall, an odor, similar to that of a wet dog wafted through the air. Nodoka tried her best not to scrunch up her nose at the disgusting smell. She deemed that, what shall be established as a panda, was not conscious and proceeded to empty the contents of the banged up kettle directly onto his head, or at least, where she thought his head was.

"GAHHHHHHHH!" was heard echoing throughout the Japanese islands. Deep in the mountains of Hokkaido, a chill shot up Ryoga's back, but he just brushed it off as "Blasted freezer, where's the exit?!" … Getting back to Nerima...

As the pain-filled scream faded away, everything was suddenly quiet, a little too quiet. Genma cautiously shifted his gaze away from the geta [wooden sandals]-clad feet, into the smiling face of one Nodoka Saotome. "Welcome home, stupid panda."

Genma gulped as he recognized the look in his wife's eyes. "H-hello darling..."

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Ranma was petrified. And surrounded. There was virtually no way out. Oh, why didn't she stay in the damned kitchen?! This ain't funny if it's a stupid dream!

"Come on, you look soooooo CUTE!" The orange kimono [Japanese robes] clad girl cooed, reaching out to finish tying the obi [belt across the midsection of kimono], when her hand was slapped away. Ranma gathered up what she could of the hindering cloth and dove under their grasping fingers and made it to the front entry. "Hey, come back here!" shouted the girls in unison.

"KYAAAA!" was the second sound heard resounding through Japan, that day. Ryoga finally decided that Hokkaido was too large and there were WAY too many mountains to be that freezer back in Sapporo...

"Ranma." "Ranma." said both Nodoka and Genma out of reflex. A loud thud was heard and the sliding door slammed open. A pile of red patterned cloth tumbled onto the stone pathway. It convulsed and righted itself, revealing Ranma at it's center. A flurry of footsteps was heard just as Ranma dove behind Nodoka. A crowd of various girls in different colored kimonos screeched to a halt and demanded: "Have you seen a small girl with a looooong pigtail pass through here? She ran away before Mutsumi could finish tying her obi!"

"No I haven't." Nodoka answered without missing a beat. "Also, more importantly, class is dismissed for today, kiritsu [stand]"

The girls groaned, but complied anyways. They stood up straight.

"Rei [bow]."

"Sensei, sayonara [Goodbye, teacher.]"

"Sayonara." Nodoka replied, bowing as well, though not quite as low. "I will be going out soon, so please be a bit quicker today, in gathering your stuff."

"Hai [Yes]~." They said in unison, trudging away to get ready.

"Ranma, go in through the back door-" Nodoka started, before actually looking at her, "Come back here."

"What's up?"

"Turn around and hold still." Nodoka ordered, fiddling with the stiff yellow-on-blue cloth. An intricate blue bow resembling a butterfly soon emerged, she then stood back and surveyed her handiwork. "Perfect."

"_Moooooou [geez]~_," Ranma whined, a prominent vein standing out on her head. She flicked her long thigh-length braid over her shoulder as she turned around. "You're not helping~!"

"I finally get the daughter I wanted, of course I'll dress her up as one!" Nodoka quipped, rather matter-of-factly. "Now move along. I'll see to the fact that the girls get home safely. Then we can go shopping and eat out."

"Wait, I think you're forgetting Pops." Ranma said, giving in to her mother. Though rather deadpanned at how little her mother cares for her father...

"You're still here?" Nodoka asked, without even looking at him. She started"I thought you had an appointment with the Nerima District Zoo."

"But-" Genma very futilely attempted to protest.

"The _appointment_ with_ the zoo_?" She ground out, very slightly turning her head towards Genma, causing him to flinch...

"O-of course d-darling," Genma replied spinning on his heel and very nearly ran into the stone lantern off the pathway. He righted himself and ran at top speed to get away from him.

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The Next Day:

In front of the main entrance of the Nerima District Zoo was an alarmingly large wooden crate, that heaved and groaned along with the uncomfortable shifting and huffing of it's occupant. A paper was plastered haphazardly across the topmost panel of the aforementioned crate. Enclosed were the following words:

_**PLEASE TREAT WITH CARE.**_

_**ONLY FEED HIM BAMBOO AND HOT MACCHA[green tea].**_

_**ONLY BATHE WITH COLD WATER FOR BEST RESULTS.**_

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Chapter 1

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I would like to mention that the "Nerima District Zoo" was not a place that I made up. It's actually canon and Ryoga and Ranma's first fight took place there after Nabiki's Vitamin C capsule incident. This was probably an anime-only place. I don't recall them leaving the Furinkan High campus in the manga. Well, PM me or leave a review if I'm wrong (please review anyways, even if I'm right! ;P)

Also, for my fanfictions, I always like to give the characters a little twist of my own. In my fic, Ranma has black hair, as canon in the manga. It was mentioned that Ranma ate a bowl of dragon's whisker porridge and his hair grew at alarming speeds. In my fic, just before he hit the water of the Nyannichuan, his whisker hair tie fell off, resulting in not-too-long, but not-his-normal-length hair. BTW, in this universe, the whisker-porridge-thing happened BEFORE the fall-in-AU-created-spring-thingie.

Anyways, I should shut up now. Thanks for reading, and please, please, _PLEASE _review. It'll really make my day.

Ciao~!


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